After anger comes questioning. Questioning of them, of yourself, of the whole fucking world actually. You were taught to question them, question the status quo, question all the damn time. Because isn’t that how you find the truth? And not any sort of truth, but the realest thing. You know, the realest of truths. You get there, you think you know the realest of truths, but then they come along. They don’t see that truth that you’ve learned. They argue and argue and you keep using the same old trick you’ve learned. Reason and logic. They try to use it as well. They tell you, you don’t know shit. Everything you’ve learned is bullshit. Everything you’ve experienced doesn’t fit statistics. What is it that you’re learning anyway? How is it useful? It’s not like you invented a new vaccine, right? You’re useless. What you learn is useless. Why do you keep questioning everything? If you do, then why don’t you question that realest of truth of yours?
And so you do. You question it. And yourself. And you lose yourself in that never ending cycle of questioning. Because what is the point of learning about the realest of truths when the people who have the power over it won’t listen? So you think it’s not your fault, it’s theirs, for ignoring the realest of truths. You get angry again. You do something stupid. Now, they only see you through the lens of the stupid thing you did. You’re fucked.
In the end they’re right, ‘cause you didn’t achieve shit.
So why not do more stupid things? It’s not like they will see you any different ever again. Might as well play into that new identity they created for you. Be angry, be mean, be right in their faces. Why would you care what they think of you now? They never listened before, maybe they’ll listen if you scare them. Yes, that would be good.
But no, actually it won’t. It’ll be bad. You’ll end up spread on that wet pavement, your head bashed into the curb. Your blood will fill your mouth, your eyes… then you can tell people you really saw red. You won’t get the chance though. Instead, you end up a media token. Outrage follows. Lots of it. For an instant, they might understand. They might see the realest of truths. But then they quash these uncomfortable thoughts. After all, it’s not in their best interest to tell the world you were right.
No matter how dead you are.