Bruises, Stitches, Words, and Pizza
First of all:
Why do I need to succeed?
This question suddenly popped into my mind while I received some heavy blows from reality. I have just begun my first semester at the University of Sydney and although I already had 2 and half years of uni experience from overseas, things weren’t going so well for me. I had issues with the University’s administration, who lost my transcript and blamed it on me (I sent it to their address upon their request). Therefore, they couldn’t transfer my credits from my previous uni. Then I was “randomly selected” to provide documentation to prove I am a legitimate student. They requested original documents (digital copies were denied) or else they would suppress my semester (my marks won’t show on the transcript). Specifically they requested a document, which they have lost. I had to spend 55$ in order to get a new transcript to come ASAP.
Although I have been working really hard, my marks are not reflecting that at all. I have discussed some of the more shocking results with my boyfriend (a university graduate), who prompted me to contest them. And so I am.
At this point, I struggled with finding motivation to keep doing my assignments. After all, having done my best, how can I satisfy the professor’s demands? “What do they want from me? This is a first year course!” was what I kept repeating over and over to myself. I was so stressed out, I swear everything just ticked me off. I needed to calm down and rethink the situation. The important question was: why am I so stressed and beaten down? The answer was: because I need to succeed.
A couple of weeks earlier my days where filled with new and exciting things. I had fun putting my commander deck together for Magic, having a great time with my new friends. I went paintballing for the first time, returning with numerous battle scars and the great fulfillment of being part of real-life Call of Duty.
Besides that, I found out I am a passionate cosplayer (first time doing Elizabeth from Bioshock: Burial at Sea) and want to one day sew my own costumes:
Coming back to the time of my small crisis, writing was also on the line. Since I have taken English class and I ended up hating it, I’ve had a hard time reconciling that fact with my dream of becoming a writer. How can I succeed as a writer, if I do poorly in English class? That question became a thorn in my mind, hurting each time I thought of writing.
The issue was that I equated happiness with success and success with my grades. I needed to reevaluate myself and realize that the grades I receive do not define me or my life. In the end what is most important for me is to enjoy simple things in life, like cosplaying, sewing, writing or pizza. The pressure of succeeding that society puts on me is not going to affect me as long as my priorities are set outside of what is demanded of me. As long as I work hard, I will never have regrets; as long as I remember who I am, I will never lose sight of my dreams; as long as I treasure myself, I will never let anything harm me. In the end, I am the one who defines what it means for me to succeed.